What's happiness??

i really wonder...honestly what is it that really makes me happy??prob tht would b my bday wish this year...i know i'm just letting my feelings,emotions or wateva flow...what do u expect me to do then??keep it to myself...i can't....i'm not that strong...don dwell...im trying to...but do u know how freakin hard is it?i wish tears could just say it all..but yet no...there's no point to even tear...eating??doesn't help...guess only sleeping does coz i wont think..there's really no one i could really allow myself to fall bck on...wish dad n mum could b d ones...but no...have i been trying to potray too much of a strong girl to them?will they accept my points of being weak?i only enjoy dat home in bm...but not anything besides that house which gives me a home feeling...many times when i'm at home it'll just be me....everyone is too busy with their lives..how am i suppose to move on from here...now with the fact of wat happened between me n freeda i dont feel like goin bck even more...well i would say only person i look forward to see is joshua..really wonder how people who has been in my position b4 moved on from where they r..wished one would jus come teach me d way...goin to college freaks me out at times...probably where i wanna b is just my bed...that's d only thing i can fall back on...=)..i'm weak now...extremely weak...